The Spectre of Depression and Suicide

Robin Williams’ recent passing, like most of you, saddened me. while not a hardcore fan, going back to his days as Mork (go ask your parents), his portrayal as Patch Adams, and especially Peter Pan (in Hook) were very special to me. his death, and the manner of how it happened, also unnerved me really badly. it hit close to home.

i’ll probably mention this only once, and only here in Tumblr where i can be faceless and anonymous…well save for one or two other people following me…

i went through, what Mr. Williams went through - the drugs, the alcohol, the depression, and the suicide. of course fortunately, i escaped their spectre, albeit scarred. and missing a few brain cells probably.

i did drugs. but had the willpower to quit on my own. without intervention. i actually should be dead after having one OD. but that’s probably my wake up call. i went cold turkey after that, and i’ve been clean for the past 13 or 14 years. BUT! here’s what scares me. i can still recall the taste, vividly, of meth. the taste of the liquified rock as it rolls down a tinfoil. any fucking depiction of people taking meth in TV or movie, i sometimes find myself salivating for it. as if hungry for it.

i’m an alcoholic, and still is (probably, and much as i hate to admit it). i drink like there’s no tomorrow. and i’m lucky enough tomorrow still came. again, i should be dead with all the drunk driving i have done. 20kph on an expressway at 2AM (where the minimum speed is 60kph), surrounded by trucks of various lengths. entering a one-way street and driving against the flow of traffic, just to avoid a checkpoint for drunk drivers. i still drink these days, but i try to avoid drinking hard. a bottle or two, if it can’t be avoided.

i got treated for major depression, and was put on suicide watch. one month in rehab. it broke not only me, but the rest of the family. it broke us not only financially, but physically, and emotionally. i won’t dwell on what made me depressed, and wanting to die. but jesus h. christ. i wanted to quit on life. i wanted to quit on life. i wanted to quit on life. but my loved ones won’t allow it. everybody wanted to talk to me or was talking to me, but i refused to talk, if i can. then they had to forcibly haul me to rehab - for those in the Philippines, i was confined in the infamous “basement” of Makati Med where i was given daily doses of Prozac, Rivotril, and Stilnox.

i’ve been there. i’ve done that. i don’t want any part of it anymore. but these problems won’t go away like magic. and this is what unerved me. i have two kids which i love dearly. Mr. Williams’ sobriety lasted for a longer time than mine. i’m still struggling a bit with alcohol. i am a badass, fearless guy. i let my fists talk if i can’t solve things through diplomacy. but know this  - the spectre of depression and suicide scares me shitless. i don’t want any part of it anymore. i don’t want its ugly head to rear up anytime in the near, or distant future. i stopped taking my medicines as i didn’t want to be dependent on them. 

i just want to share that if you encounter a depressed person, or someone who wants to die, please take the time to understand them. listen to them. do not give them advice if they are not asking for it. be there for them. support them as much as you can. sometimes, suicide or suicidal tendencies are just one of the ways a depressed person might want to say “i need help!”

there has been a surge of suicide hotlines ever since Mr. Williams’ death. while they are helpful, a loved one, or the closest friend has always the best set of ears a depressed and / or suicidal person can talk to.

oh, and if you think this post is worth sharing, please omit my name. thanks!

they called!

not sure if i will call this as a surprise, but someone called. fortunately i wasn’t home, of course all hell will break loose. and fortunately, the attorney - my dad, was in a good mood even if he was just about to take an afternoon nap. but he did mention that we will be going to the DTI and NTC tomorrow to file a complaint. anyway, the lady on the other end of the line said that they have already coordinated with the courier and that they will deliver my cheque tomorrow. this only means one thing - that June 18th date they gave me was all bullcrap probably just to appease me. because if they had really coordinated with their courier, i would have gotten my cheque already. anyways, we’ll see tomorrow. in the meantime, this wouldn’t stop me from calling tagging entities and people that is working with Samsung. so…

…and they replied!

lo and behold! they replied! but the thing is, I’m wary of those numbers that they gave. if you check the Contact Us page of Samsung Philippines, these numbers are bundled with the Call Product & Customer Support Number +63 (2) 422-2111 [ Standard Landline ] and I have been calling that number for the past few days. All the customer support agent could do is “escalate my concerns”. Again, it’s not the agents that have the problems here. It goes way up - their Accounting Department who is handling my refund. But for the benefit of doubt, I’ll be calling those numbers, and I hope that whoever is behind those lines can give me a definite answer. Chuck Norris is itching to join the fray.

harrrooo Samsung Philippines…good morning!

harrrooo Samsung Philippines…good morning!

herrrooo SamsungPH a.k.a. here’s how i amuse myself with Samsung Philippines - Pt. 2

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trolling them, because fuck you…

i love you ‪#‎SamsungPhilippines‬ for failing to deliver my cheque once again. i love how inefficient your management team is for failing to keep their word. smh. oye, ano na?! when do you really plan, as in REAAAAALLLLLLYYYYY, plan to deliver it? are you going to give me a date again then fail me again? i let Wednesday slide knowing that you might run into an unexpected problem (yesss…i am that lenient and forgiving). Thursday came, wala pa rin. it’s now Friday. even Jackie Chan is confused with whatever it is your management team is doing…this is clearly beyond amusing. i’m trying to be civil here, but i am beyond pissed. i pity the customer agent that will answer my call if ever push comes to shove.

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here’s how i amuse myself with Samsung Philippines - Pt. 1

i’m fucking pissed, but i still try to act civil. here’s how i dealt with the missing cheque last Wednesday - i left a 1-star review on the official page of Samsung Philippines.

and here we are once again…

your people (I would reckon from the Accounting Department) called me twice in a span of three weeks, telling me that the cheque for the refund of my S4 Active would be delivered on 18th of June - YESTERDAY. but guess what?! nada. zilch. zero! i’ve been very lenient in dealing with you, and tried to be very understanding. but, your managers are very unprofessional! and it all started with me not receiving any notification from you that my unit, which was supposed to be replaced, will now be refunded. i had to follow up on that one. baka pag idinetalye ko pa the bullshit that i have received from you, madaig ko pa ang storya ni Maya at ni Ser Chief sa haba. get your act together! i could not blame your call center agents since they are only telling me what info your management is feeding them.

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i reposted this on my wall, and tagged them, in case they delete my post. but just to take the piss off of me…

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even Vladimir Putin is not amused and is telling you to sod off

i *heart* you Samsung Philippines.

fuck off!

Samsung Philippines…you suck!

hey ya’ll should be aware of how bad the service of Samsung Philippines is. this all started when I brought my S4 Active for a check over several days before the Holy Week / Good Friday. the service centre found out that my unit suffered the Bloated Battery issue and it damaged a chip inside. they informed that due to the sealed nature of the phone, they can’t open it, and that they would gladly replace it, once head office approves of it, since it was still under warranty (bought the unit last week of January). they told me to wait for 2-3 weeks for the replacement unit. i was also told that i should be the one to follow up with head office. while it should be them, not me, i agreed, i see no harm in doing it. being the lenient and forgiving person that i am, i called Samsung Philippines head office, on the 4th week. yes, they gave me a positive reply - they will replace my unit. cool! they’d be calling me back after a week or so, so they could process my papers properly. no problem. after a week and a few days, no call. so i called. surprisingly, they can not anymore replace my unit since they have sold out all their S4 Active units, they would give me a refund instead. ok, so yes surprised, a bit irritated, but i let it slide. they gave me an e-mail address and a list of documents to send so they can process it. this happened on a Saturday, so come Monday, i promptly e-mailed those requirements. no acknowledgement reply. i let it slide, and forwarded the e-mail the next day - Tuesday, thinking it might have either been directly sent to the Spam box, it did not reach the addressee…i kept an open mind and thought of all the possibilities why my i have not received an acknowledgement letter. Wednesday, Thursday came no letter. i made contact with their online customer care, and well told everything (did not complain. just yet.) a few hours, someone called me - a Dennis - apologizing, explaining, and telling me that they will send me an acknowledgement letter, even if they had already seen the e-mail. i mean come one…you are running a business here, acknowledgement letters show that you are serious with the concerns of your client, and, well it’s a sign of professionalism. Friday ends, no acknowledgement letter. i let it slide since Dennis said they have seen my e-mail and will escalate and process my refund. out of the blue, i got the itch to ask them the amount of my refund. Dennis did not give me any direct number, so i had to go through customer service again. well, customer service wasn’t of much help (and understandably, i’ll explain this later. probably), they said, accounting department is the one that can only disclose the amount. blah blah blah blah blah, and they’d have someone to call me to discuss this matter. ok. click. days moved forward, and several more wrangling with csutomer care, no call. Friday (again), Dennis (again) called and gave me the amount, and explained how they came up with the amount - based on the prevalent store price during the month i bought my unit. so, i was pleased. he gave me June 18 as tentative date when i will get my refund. he also asked me how i would want to pickup the cheque, i said to deliver it directly to our house, and he said OK. a few minutes after we ended our conversation, i remembered that around January, the store price of the S4 Active was much higher than the amount Samsung was going to give me. i was…kinda’ pissed and thought that these fuckers are screwing me. but hey, it’s better than nothing. so, i let it go. i got the itch again of calling them to ask them the exact date when they will deliver the cheque since i won’t be home, if it’s a week day, and that i would leave an authorization letter and identification cards instead. once again, no call from them…aren’t they wonderful - the assholes! so i said “fuck it, i’ll just leave the usual authorization letter and IDs” you know Samsung Philippines is full of surprises (aside from shit), they called and confirmed that they indeed, would deliver the cheque on June 18, Wednesday. so they told me to leave what i already knew and left beforehand - letter, IDs. but hey, guess what, Wednesday came and no cheque! i let it slide. Thursday, no cheque, i had a word again with their customer service - usual script, they would escalate my concern blah blah blah. it’s now Friday night and no cheque was delivered. and if you are thinking “what if Samsung has deposited the amount to my bank account” - i simply won’t fucking apologize if they decided to do that, because as professionals, they should have informed me as well. they should be proactive as well.

now with their customer care agents, it’s a pity that they are getting the brunt of my ire. they do not deserve this, they are only giving me information which was fed to them by their management. alas, my judgement and vision has been clouded, i try to veer it off them, but since Thursday, they have gotten a few lashing from me. but i still tell them that it’s not them that i am angry at, and it’s not them that should be hearing what i am saying, it’s their management that should be getting the lashing.

i’m doing this in the hopes that the management from Korea will get wind of how inefficient their team is here in the Philippines, and how they deal with their clients. and who knows, the top brass in the Philippines might be unaware of this, and reprimand the proper department and people.

did i mention that my freelance work picks up during June and that i always expect an exchange of communication, mostly through mobile phone around these time? so how can i expect those calls when i have no mobile phone? e-mail you say? well the committee that gives me this work changes every year, so i have no idear who is who in this year’s committee. i’m just hoping the previous committee gave them my e-mail address.

will i still be getting a Samsung unit after all of these? fat chance! this experience is enough, i should have followed my instinct and got a Sony unit instead - my first choice before settling with an S4 Active.

even if they offer you with an S5 or Note3? no way! it sounds all too tempting, but i have delicadeza - honor and integrity. i’m not easily daunted, but this has daunted me. the quality of their products have been questionable too. so yeah good riddance Samsung. you suck!

my Fuck Your GoPro rig. see previous post.

my Fuck Your GoPro rig. see previous post.

I need a bigger and longer sheet. #anti-stress #pissed #pissed_off

I need a bigger and longer sheet. #anti-stress #pissed #pissed_off